Grandma Koch's Youth

This discussion was originally on the Madden Koch google group.


Mary Jo:
Talking to my Koch  girl cousins at recent funerals, I realized I did not know the real Grandma Koch, who made money on the horses, told off nuns on the bus, etc.  I hope Betsy, Tricia, Kathy, and Georgine will share some of the stories with this group.

My dad sometimes said.  "Grandma had 7 kids in ten years from age 30 to age 40, and it almost drove her mad." He never elaborated.  Did anything happen after Dick and Peggy were born?

Georgine:
I think Grandma had a nervous break down after Peggy and Dick were born .  My mother alluded to it and I remember her telling me "Don't have more children than you can take care of."  I gathered that she (Mary ) helped take care of the twins.  I know that the family moved a lot and I wondered if that was for money reasons.  The girls were all very close and my mother was shy so I think that her sisters were the core of her friends.  I have tried to write a few of my memories of the family times together and will transcribe some to you.   The Koch Family did stay very close when we were kids, and I remember many happy times.


Kathy:I too remember my Mom speaking about her Auntie coming to stay with them after the twins were born because Grandma couldn't take care of them. Times were tough.


Sharon:
I was told by my mom that Grandma Koch had more a physical breakdown than a mental breakdown.  She was exhausted nursing the two twins (who were 8 lbs each at birth) around the clock.  My mom said Grandma found herself walking into walls while holding the baby because she was so tired.  I believe Grandpa was working a lot of hours and for some reason, Grandma's sisters couldn't help out at that time.  Grandma had four little ones under the age of five (Jane, Agnes, Dick and Mary) and the impression I got was Grandma was wiped out.

I know she was sent away for "rest."I can't remember which of Grandma's sisters came to help, but she stayed long enough for Dick to start calling her "mom".  The story my mom told me was when Grandma came back, your dad (Joe) told the twins, "now this is your REAL mother.". I can imagine all of this must have been very frightening to the all the children being your dad couldn't have been older than 10 or 11 when it happened and of course all the other children were even younger.

I believe that is why Grandpa moved the gang out to Queens so Grandma could be in the "country".  However, Grandma was a city girl and as my mom described it "hated the move".  On the plus side, had they not moved there, my parents would have never met each other.

My mom used to tell me that Grandpa was a gardener and liked to fix up the houses that they rented.  He would make those houses so nice that the owners sold them and the Koches had to move. This apparently happened a lot because my mom said she went to a lot of different schools in 8 years.  I think Grandpa bought the house in Queens but I could be wrong.  I know my mom said it was important to her that her children grow up in the same house, and I think the rest of her siblings felt the same way.

I was told by my mom that she felt much loved by Grandma and that she felt Grandma had as many kids as she could possibly have.  I think my mom felt Grandma wanted so many kids because Grandma's mother died, the father couldn't take care of her and her siblings, gave them away to family members except for Grandma who was adopted by other people when she was around seven. Grandma said to my mom "I was the only one adopted by strangers."  Her father died sometime after that.

My mom also told me that Grandma's adopted mother had a little girl of her own much later on and got the idea in her head that Grandma might want to marry her son (the fact that she had her own daughter by blood probably also played into this).  Grandma told my mom that had not true, he was her brother, she grew up with him and there was nothing more than that. When Grandma turned 18, her adopted mom told Grandma that she should leave now which Grandma did.

When Grandma's adopted dad and brother found out, they went searching for her. When they located her, they pleaded with her to come back, that "Mom was wrong for making you leave."  Grandma refused to come back because she was so devastated by the actions of this woman who had been her mother.  Grandma used to cry about it and told my mom that she missed the little girl as well whom she had been helping to raise.

Grandma changed her name back to Madden and broke all contact with the family.  My mom told me their names but I'm sorry now that I didn't write it down.

Mary Jo: 
I want to cry for Grandma. How miraculous that she was able to be such a loving mother and grandma after she had been treated so abusively. What an incredibly strong woman she was!