Nov. 1
"Darling I am quite convinced that we're going to be proud parents in July. Four days late and still no sign of my period. (Grandma, like me, was regular as clockwork.) I'm still waiting two weeks though before I'll be completely convinced. Oh hon, each day I feel more certain that Our Lady has given us another wonderful favor. This is the bestest favor of all--a child of our very own.
Joe, I am sure it's true. I certainly haven't been feeling exactly normal. I can't say that I've really been nauseous, but I seem to have something very close to it. Maybe that accounts for my steady tired feeling too. All in all though, I feel fine, and I'm sure I'll have a normal pregnancy. Hon, it seems funny to talk about my being pregnant. Isn't it super?"
Nov. 10, 1944
"I told my mother she's going to be a grandmother and she wasn't even the least bit surprised. She said that it's really not necessary to go to the doctors until the end of the second month because he couldn't tell my anything until then anyway. ...It's fun being able to talk about it to mom though."
Nov. 14, 1944
"I haven't starting eating crackers in bed because I really haven't been too nauseous in the early morning. I usually feel worse about 10 or 11 o'clock.
Our secret is still a three-way secret although I don't know how I held back last night . Ginnie and Peg apparently thought that nothing happened because I didn't say anything. They were teasing me that I'd have my last chance to make good when you get your 5-day pass. Ha, Ha, little do they know that our baby is a month old already."
Monday, December 11, 2006
December 1944--Two Months Pregnant
My lucky steak ended today because I've been feeling sickish all day. I hate to miss Communion on Sunday, but I did this morning....After all my talking last night, I didn't go to Wisdom (her alma mater) this afternoon anyway. I was afraid I might get sick on the bus or something. So I spent most of the afternoon sleeping and about 5 I got up feeling much better.
Let's buy the baby something for Christmas. If you're lucky enough to get a 5 day pass, we can go shopping next Saturday. Otherwise I'll buy a baby dress or sweater or something myself. After all, Mary-Jo should have a hope chest too...
No, I didn't do any talking in the doctor's office--I just listened. You didn't think it possible, did you? Remember my telling you I could be silent and subdued some times? No, darling, doctors never embarrass me. They're so impersonal anyway. Most of the time you are covered with a sheet anyway. It's silly to get excited about going to the doctor's. That's just part of having a baby....
...Being a mother is just about the best thing that could happen to anyone. Darling, I guess you feel the same way about being a father. Joe, I still can't believe it really. It seems too wonderful to be true.
Let's buy the baby something for Christmas. If you're lucky enough to get a 5 day pass, we can go shopping next Saturday. Otherwise I'll buy a baby dress or sweater or something myself. After all, Mary-Jo should have a hope chest too...
No, I didn't do any talking in the doctor's office--I just listened. You didn't think it possible, did you? Remember my telling you I could be silent and subdued some times? No, darling, doctors never embarrass me. They're so impersonal anyway. Most of the time you are covered with a sheet anyway. It's silly to get excited about going to the doctor's. That's just part of having a baby....
...Being a mother is just about the best thing that could happen to anyone. Darling, I guess you feel the same way about being a father. Joe, I still can't believe it really. It seems too wonderful to be true.
November, 1944--Pregnancy
November 7, 1944
Dear, by this time you've had more mail from me, haven't you? You should know that things are pretty definite about our being parents next July. Isn't it super wonderful hon? Oh darling I'm so excited and happy I don't know that I can keep it a secret much longer. I want the whole world to know that I'm the luckiest girl in it 'cause I'm going to be a mommy. Joe darling, I love Mary-Jo's daddy awfully very much.
Very once in a while a baby Joe was mentioned.
Darling, I am so excited I doubt if I can keep it a secret much longer. I'll probably tell my mother soon and Peggy is likely it get it out of me at any time. Joe, I like having secrets with you. Dear, it's thrilling hearing my hubby say, "hello mommy."
November 8
Today I''m feeling quite chipper 'cause I talked with my husband last night. Dear, it was so exciting to share our secret. I like being a future mother awfully much. I love Mary-Jo's future daddy just millions of billions of times. I love you more than all the babies that were born this year. Just think hon, ours will be one of the babies who'll be born next year. Byrdie just told me before that Gladys Adams ( the secretary who married her boss, remember) is expecting a baby the end of April. I had all I could do to keep from telling her that Mary Koch is expecting a baby the beginning of July. It's really too soon to tell anyone yet though. I wonder how the doctor will figure. I understand that they estimate one week after the first day of your last period and then say it'll be nine months from then. Which means that he'd probably say sometime around July 8th. My guess is about the 15th though. I've decided I'll wait until the 26th of Nov., which would normally be my next period and then if nothing happens, I'll arrange to go to the doctor the following week. I think I'll call Dr. Schanno and ask him to recommend me to someone.
Dear, by this time you've had more mail from me, haven't you? You should know that things are pretty definite about our being parents next July. Isn't it super wonderful hon? Oh darling I'm so excited and happy I don't know that I can keep it a secret much longer. I want the whole world to know that I'm the luckiest girl in it 'cause I'm going to be a mommy. Joe darling, I love Mary-Jo's daddy awfully very much.
Very once in a while a baby Joe was mentioned.
Darling, I am so excited I doubt if I can keep it a secret much longer. I'll probably tell my mother soon and Peggy is likely it get it out of me at any time. Joe, I like having secrets with you. Dear, it's thrilling hearing my hubby say, "hello mommy."
November 8
Today I''m feeling quite chipper 'cause I talked with my husband last night. Dear, it was so exciting to share our secret. I like being a future mother awfully much. I love Mary-Jo's future daddy just millions of billions of times. I love you more than all the babies that were born this year. Just think hon, ours will be one of the babies who'll be born next year. Byrdie just told me before that Gladys Adams ( the secretary who married her boss, remember) is expecting a baby the end of April. I had all I could do to keep from telling her that Mary Koch is expecting a baby the beginning of July. It's really too soon to tell anyone yet though. I wonder how the doctor will figure. I understand that they estimate one week after the first day of your last period and then say it'll be nine months from then. Which means that he'd probably say sometime around July 8th. My guess is about the 15th though. I've decided I'll wait until the 26th of Nov., which would normally be my next period and then if nothing happens, I'll arrange to go to the doctor the following week. I think I'll call Dr. Schanno and ask him to recommend me to someone.
November 11, 1944--Mom to Dad
November 7, 1944
Dear, by this time you've had more mail from me, haven't you? You should know that things are pretty definite about our being parents next July. Isn't it super wonderful hon? Oh darling I'm so excited and happy I don't know that I can keep it a secret much longer. I want the whole world to know that I'm the luckiest girl in it 'cause I'm going to be a mommy. Joe darling, I love Mary-Jo's daddy awfully very much.
Very once in a while a baby Joe was mentioned.
Darling, I am so excited I doubt if I can keep it a secret much longer. I'll probably tell my mother soon and Peggy is likely it get it out of me at any time. Joe, I like having secrets with you. Dear, it's thrilling hearing my hubby say, "hello mommy."
November 8
Today I''m feeling quite chipper 'cause I talked with my husband last night. Dear, it was so exciting to share our secret. I like being a future mother awfully much. I love Mary-Jo's future daddy just millions of billions of times. I love ou more than all the babies that were born this year. Just think hon, ours will be one of the babies who'll be born next year. Byrdie just told me before that Gladys Adams ( the secretary who married her boss, remember) is expecting a baby the end of April. I had all I could do to keep from telling her that Mary Koch is expecting a baby the beginning of July. It's really too soon to tell anyone yet though. I wonder how the doctor will figure. I understand that they estimate one week after the first day of your last period and then say it'll be nine months from then. Which means that he'd probably say sometime around July 8th. My guess is about the 15th though. I've decided I'll wait until the 26th of Nov., which would normally be my next period and then if nothing happens, I'll arrange to go to the doctor the following week. I think I'll call Dr. Schanno and ask him to recommend me to someone.
Dear, by this time you've had more mail from me, haven't you? You should know that things are pretty definite about our being parents next July. Isn't it super wonderful hon? Oh darling I'm so excited and happy I don't know that I can keep it a secret much longer. I want the whole world to know that I'm the luckiest girl in it 'cause I'm going to be a mommy. Joe darling, I love Mary-Jo's daddy awfully very much.
Very once in a while a baby Joe was mentioned.
Darling, I am so excited I doubt if I can keep it a secret much longer. I'll probably tell my mother soon and Peggy is likely it get it out of me at any time. Joe, I like having secrets with you. Dear, it's thrilling hearing my hubby say, "hello mommy."
November 8
Today I''m feeling quite chipper 'cause I talked with my husband last night. Dear, it was so exciting to share our secret. I like being a future mother awfully much. I love Mary-Jo's future daddy just millions of billions of times. I love ou more than all the babies that were born this year. Just think hon, ours will be one of the babies who'll be born next year. Byrdie just told me before that Gladys Adams ( the secretary who married her boss, remember) is expecting a baby the end of April. I had all I could do to keep from telling her that Mary Koch is expecting a baby the beginning of July. It's really too soon to tell anyone yet though. I wonder how the doctor will figure. I understand that they estimate one week after the first day of your last period and then say it'll be nine months from then. Which means that he'd probably say sometime around July 8th. My guess is about the 15th though. I've decided I'll wait until the 26th of Nov., which would normally be my next period and then if nothing happens, I'll arrange to go to the doctor the following week. I think I'll call Dr. Schanno and ask him to recommend me to someone.
November 7 and 8, 1944--Mary to Joe
November 7, 1944
Dear, by this time you've had more mail from me, haven't you? You should know that things are pretty definite about our being parents next July. Isn't it super wonderful hon? Oh darling I'm so excited and happy I don't know that I can keep it a secret much longer. I want the whole world to know that I'm the luckiest girl in it 'cause I'm going to be a mommy. Joe darling, I love Mary-Jo's daddy awfully very much.
Very once in a while a baby Joe was mentioned.
Darling, I am so excited I doubt if I can keep it a secret much longer. I'll probably tell my mother soon and Peggy is likely it get it out of me at any time. Joe, I like having secrets with you. Dear, it's thrilling hearing my hubby say, "hello mommy."
November 8
Today I''m feeling quite chipper 'cause I talked with my husband last night. Dear, it was so exciting to share our secret. I like being a future mother awfully much. I love Mary-Jo's future daddy just millions of billions of times. I love ou more than all the babies that were born this year. Just think hon, ours will be one of the babies who'll be born next year. Byrdie just told me before that Gladys Adams ( the secretary who married her boss, remember) is expecting a baby the end of April. I had all I could do to keep from telling her that Mary Koch is expecting a baby the beginning of July. It's really too soon to tell anyone yet though. I wonder how the doctor will figure. I understand that they estimate one week after the first day of your last period and then say it'll be nine months from then. Which means that he'd probably say sometime around July 8th. My guess is about the 15th though. I've decided I'll wait until the 26th of Nov., which would normally be my next period and then if nothing happens, I'll arrange to go to the doctor the following week. I think I'll call Dr. Schanno and ask him to recommend me to someone.
Dear, by this time you've had more mail from me, haven't you? You should know that things are pretty definite about our being parents next July. Isn't it super wonderful hon? Oh darling I'm so excited and happy I don't know that I can keep it a secret much longer. I want the whole world to know that I'm the luckiest girl in it 'cause I'm going to be a mommy. Joe darling, I love Mary-Jo's daddy awfully very much.
Very once in a while a baby Joe was mentioned.
Darling, I am so excited I doubt if I can keep it a secret much longer. I'll probably tell my mother soon and Peggy is likely it get it out of me at any time. Joe, I like having secrets with you. Dear, it's thrilling hearing my hubby say, "hello mommy."
November 8
Today I''m feeling quite chipper 'cause I talked with my husband last night. Dear, it was so exciting to share our secret. I like being a future mother awfully much. I love Mary-Jo's future daddy just millions of billions of times. I love ou more than all the babies that were born this year. Just think hon, ours will be one of the babies who'll be born next year. Byrdie just told me before that Gladys Adams ( the secretary who married her boss, remember) is expecting a baby the end of April. I had all I could do to keep from telling her that Mary Koch is expecting a baby the beginning of July. It's really too soon to tell anyone yet though. I wonder how the doctor will figure. I understand that they estimate one week after the first day of your last period and then say it'll be nine months from then. Which means that he'd probably say sometime around July 8th. My guess is about the 15th though. I've decided I'll wait until the 26th of Nov., which would normally be my next period and then if nothing happens, I'll arrange to go to the doctor the following week. I think I'll call Dr. Schanno and ask him to recommend me to someone.
She Aids Group That Aided Her
- A Newsday article reprinted by permission, Newsday, Inc.
Copyright, 1995
When her husband, Joseph, was diagnosed with Alzheimer's in 1985, Mary Koch did what most wives-turned-caregivers would do. She joined an organization that offered support groups and advice. In her case, the Long Island chapter of the Alzheimer's Association, with an office in Patchogue.
After her husband died in 1987, Koch,now 73, remained an active supporter. This dedication has led her up the volunteer ladder to her present position as the chapter's legislativeadvocate. She also leads a support group in Elmont.
"We have twenty-eight support groups for
caregivers on Long Island," said Koch, who lives in Uniondale. "I was part of a support group when my husband was diagnosed. We discuss problems and everyone tries to help each other." Names of day-care groups, respite-care contacts and Medicaid information are offered at these meetings, often held twice monthly. "We encourage people to go to support groups," she said. "It helps to know how others handle situations."
A former social studies teacher at Uniondale High School, she now uses that training in her advocacy role. She suggests that the chapter's 500 registered members write
letters to the state and contact congressmen whenever legislation affecting Alzheimer's is on the agenda. "I'm concerned about Medicaid cuts as it applies to home care," Koch said. "Alzheimer patients are not able to follow advice to push a button [to summon help]. They need caregivers a full day."
Based on census figures, she estimates there are about 40,000 families with Alzheimer
patients on Long Island. For further information, contact Koch at 486-5607 or the Patchogue office at 289-6335.
Copyright, 1995
When her husband, Joseph, was diagnosed with Alzheimer's in 1985, Mary Koch did what most wives-turned-caregivers would do. She joined an organization that offered support groups and advice. In her case, the Long Island chapter of the Alzheimer's Association, with an office in Patchogue.
After her husband died in 1987, Koch,now 73, remained an active supporter. This dedication has led her up the volunteer ladder to her present position as the chapter's legislativeadvocate. She also leads a support group in Elmont.
"We have twenty-eight support groups for
caregivers on Long Island," said Koch, who lives in Uniondale. "I was part of a support group when my husband was diagnosed. We discuss problems and everyone tries to help each other." Names of day-care groups, respite-care contacts and Medicaid information are offered at these meetings, often held twice monthly. "We encourage people to go to support groups," she said. "It helps to know how others handle situations."
A former social studies teacher at Uniondale High School, she now uses that training in her advocacy role. She suggests that the chapter's 500 registered members write
letters to the state and contact congressmen whenever legislation affecting Alzheimer's is on the agenda. "I'm concerned about Medicaid cuts as it applies to home care," Koch said. "Alzheimer patients are not able to follow advice to push a button [to summon help]. They need caregivers a full day."
Based on census figures, she estimates there are about 40,000 families with Alzheimer
patients on Long Island. For further information, contact Koch at 486-5607 or the Patchogue office at 289-6335.
In Praise of My Grandma
Katie Koch Hubbell, wrote this on August 11, 1999.
Although I have not been fortunate enough to have lived close by my Grandma throughout my life, I have always admired her and looked up to her. I am constantly telling my friends and people I meet about what an incredible person my grandmother is. I hope to have half her energy and strength when I am 78 years old. I think many people would be grateful to have it when they are half her age.
It's often difficult to find Female role models who demonstrate the qualities that I value in people and I have been fortunate to have several of those role models in my life, my Grandma being one of them. As a young female trying to struggle through life and establish myself, I find solace in the fact that women like Grandma Mary were there before me laying the path. Knowing that despite growing up in times when women were not given as many opportunities as we are today and seeing the incredible things my Grandma was able to accomplish, I feel confident that I can accomplish similar things.
Another wonderful thing that I have to thank my Grandma for is for giving birth and raising my father. I admire my dad and strongly feel that my Grandma played a huge role in helping him develop into the wonderful person that he is. Thank You GRANDMA
Although I have not been fortunate enough to have lived close by my Grandma throughout my life, I have always admired her and looked up to her. I am constantly telling my friends and people I meet about what an incredible person my grandmother is. I hope to have half her energy and strength when I am 78 years old. I think many people would be grateful to have it when they are half her age.
It's often difficult to find Female role models who demonstrate the qualities that I value in people and I have been fortunate to have several of those role models in my life, my Grandma being one of them. As a young female trying to struggle through life and establish myself, I find solace in the fact that women like Grandma Mary were there before me laying the path. Knowing that despite growing up in times when women were not given as many opportunities as we are today and seeing the incredible things my Grandma was able to accomplish, I feel confident that I can accomplish similar things.
Another wonderful thing that I have to thank my Grandma for is for giving birth and raising my father. I admire my dad and strongly feel that my Grandma played a huge role in helping him develop into the wonderful person that he is. Thank You GRANDMA
Mom Remembers Her Dad
Mom didn't reminisce very much, but she posted this to Nolan in 1989 before she got sick.
There aren’t many one dotters who can tell you about our mom and dad, particularly about our dad, since he died when I was 17 and most of my siblings were much younger. As the oldest of my parent’s children, I should share a few memories.
My dad was very special to me. He took me everywhere with him since he liked to go for drives in the car and not everyone wanted to go. I always asked if we would stop for food along the way, and he almost always obliged. However we did go on family trips. Once I remember going to Montreal. We always went out on Long Island in the summer, renting a bungalow usually for a month. In fact he wanted to buy a place, but my mom was reluctant. Remember, there were very few amenities then, just old fashioned ice boxes and poor stoves. He would commute to the city often and come out on weekends.
One summer he when I was 12 I want to camp out there. I remember getting a letter, which I can’t find, telling me that he bought a book that even I couldn’t finish in one night - GONE WITH THE WIND - He knew that I sneaked into the bathroom at night to read after I was supposed to be in bed for the night.
His law office in N.Y. was just across from City Hall, and he often took me there when there was going to be a parade to welcome a celebrity to City Hall. I vaguely remember when I was a young kid going to see Lindberg’s celebration in 1927.
My dad was a lawyer who took pity on people who couldn’t afford to pay much. During the depression he had many clients who couldn’t pay him. When he died my mom found a file cabinet filled with unpaid bills from people he had helped. Fortunately, he did have people who paid so we were not too destitute during the 30’s.
He was a Democrat and was a Roosevelt man, but I remember his coming home one day proclaiming “ He closed the banks.” As a family we talked politics. My parents supported FDR and his New Deal. That is probably the reason why I became an FDR supporter In fact I cast my first vote for President for Roosevelt.
Unfortunately long before doctors had the modern medicines that control high blood pressure, my dad had very high blood pressure that caused him many health problems During the last years of his life he was in the hospital many times. My mom was 12 years younger than my dad and still in her childbearing years. Around the time each of my youngest brothers was born, she also had a sick husband to care for. Since I was in my teens I used to take care of them when she would be at the hospital. I was almost 14 yrs. older than Frank and was so close to him when he was young , his dying this winter was very hard for me.
My dad died in Jan. 1939 at age 52, leaving my mom a widow with 7 children at age 40. Because my dad was an independent lawyer he had no pension; due to his health conditions he had been unable to get much insurance. My mom was left with limited income except for the low rent from some old houses my dad owned in Brooklyn. My older half-brother Jim was in Law School at this point and I was entering my Senior year at high school, expecting to go to college when I graduated. I remember well my father’s brother Bill saying to my mom: “Well you’re lucky, Mary is a girl so she doesn’t need to go to college. ..I remember thinking maybe not now but certainly some day.”
There aren’t many one dotters who can tell you about our mom and dad, particularly about our dad, since he died when I was 17 and most of my siblings were much younger. As the oldest of my parent’s children, I should share a few memories.
My dad was very special to me. He took me everywhere with him since he liked to go for drives in the car and not everyone wanted to go. I always asked if we would stop for food along the way, and he almost always obliged. However we did go on family trips. Once I remember going to Montreal. We always went out on Long Island in the summer, renting a bungalow usually for a month. In fact he wanted to buy a place, but my mom was reluctant. Remember, there were very few amenities then, just old fashioned ice boxes and poor stoves. He would commute to the city often and come out on weekends.
One summer he when I was 12 I want to camp out there. I remember getting a letter, which I can’t find, telling me that he bought a book that even I couldn’t finish in one night - GONE WITH THE WIND - He knew that I sneaked into the bathroom at night to read after I was supposed to be in bed for the night.
His law office in N.Y. was just across from City Hall, and he often took me there when there was going to be a parade to welcome a celebrity to City Hall. I vaguely remember when I was a young kid going to see Lindberg’s celebration in 1927.
My dad was a lawyer who took pity on people who couldn’t afford to pay much. During the depression he had many clients who couldn’t pay him. When he died my mom found a file cabinet filled with unpaid bills from people he had helped. Fortunately, he did have people who paid so we were not too destitute during the 30’s.
He was a Democrat and was a Roosevelt man, but I remember his coming home one day proclaiming “ He closed the banks.” As a family we talked politics. My parents supported FDR and his New Deal. That is probably the reason why I became an FDR supporter In fact I cast my first vote for President for Roosevelt.
Unfortunately long before doctors had the modern medicines that control high blood pressure, my dad had very high blood pressure that caused him many health problems During the last years of his life he was in the hospital many times. My mom was 12 years younger than my dad and still in her childbearing years. Around the time each of my youngest brothers was born, she also had a sick husband to care for. Since I was in my teens I used to take care of them when she would be at the hospital. I was almost 14 yrs. older than Frank and was so close to him when he was young , his dying this winter was very hard for me.
My dad died in Jan. 1939 at age 52, leaving my mom a widow with 7 children at age 40. Because my dad was an independent lawyer he had no pension; due to his health conditions he had been unable to get much insurance. My mom was left with limited income except for the low rent from some old houses my dad owned in Brooklyn. My older half-brother Jim was in Law School at this point and I was entering my Senior year at high school, expecting to go to college when I graduated. I remember well my father’s brother Bill saying to my mom: “Well you’re lucky, Mary is a girl so she doesn’t need to go to college. ..I remember thinking maybe not now but certainly some day.”
Warren's Tribute to My Sister, Marie
April 11, 2004
MY SISTER, MARIE
She was one of the brightest stars of our generation, World War II bride, mother of six, grandmother of fifteen, community activist, teacher, founding pillar of St. Martha's Church in Uniondale, L.I., and finally, a volunteer lobbyist for the Alzheimer's Association in Albany and Washington.
She was my big sister. For us, her five brothers and her sister, Joan, she was always, "Marie".
In my first memory of her she is crying, doubtless frustrated by the antics of her three rambunctious younger brothers, Warren, Frank and Ken. We were eleven, thirteen and fifteen years younger than Marie.
Though she was an accomplished scholar at Our Lady of Wisdom Academy in Ozone Park, our father's death in 1939 made it impossible for her to consider college. She went to work, helping to support her widowed mother and five younger siblings. In the evening, she took courses, eventually overburdening herself and suffering some health setbacks.
A young man she dated in 1940 had a car with a rumble seat. Before we knew what cool meant, it was cool to go to the World's Fair in Flushing Meadow in the rumble seat of a coupe. The Trylon and Perisphere were enduring symbols of our youth. The young man did not survive the war which began for the U.S. in December, 1941.
At some point we learned tha Marie had met Joe Koch while on a summer vacation in the Adirondacks. Then he was in the Army and there were endless letters back and forth. Suddenly, he was coming home on furlough and she was to be married. It was March 6, 1944. She was just twenty-two. He called her Mary.
Joe Koch had four sisters, Mary, Jane, Agnes and Peggy. They descended upon our simple 220th Street home in Queens Village and transformed it into a wedding palace. As there was rationing, and meat was scarce, we younger ones were sent out to canvass the neighborhood for red coupons which, with a bit of money, and some luck, would provision the wedding feast. With certainty there were also preserved vegetables and fruits from our previous summer's victorygarden.
My memory is of a bright, sunny day with a distinct chill in the air. My brother Robert, 17, handsome in his blue Xavier uniform with white gloves, standing in for James who was aboard the USS Biloxi in the Pacific, escorted the beautiful bride down the aisle of SS. Joachim and Anne Church. Later, in our backyard, I recall seeing our white haired pastor, Father Herchenroder. He had been a poker playing pal of my father, and knew many of the Nolans from the Brooklyn days. As the celebration dwindled down, a few of us with more serious
purpose adjourned across the street to engage the Gallic boys in a game of marbles. Which reminds me that one of the Gallics, Denny, had a serious crush on my sister and would come calling for her. He was about ten at the time of her wedding.
As Joe went back to his military duties, Marie continued to live with us. We younger ones learned that the great mystery of life was unfolding, and that there was to be a baby in the summer of 1945. For some reason we had a piano in our living room. Maybe James played a little, and Aunt Anna some, but there were no virtuosos in our family. Soon my big sister, awaiting her first born, began to play over, and over and over again, "Meet me in St. Louis, Looie, meet me at the Fair", from the popular 1944 movie of that name. Hers was a
small repertoire. We never heard "The Trolley Song", "The Boy Next Door", or "Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas" from the same film.
In May of 1945. Jim and Kay were married. At the reception in the Belmont Plaza hotel on Lexington Avenue, a family picture was taken. My very pregnant "big" sister hid behind her little brothers.
Mary Jo arrived on July 17, 1945. I believe by this time her Dad was in Europe, probably beginning his hunt for "Bambi" in Paris. And we had a little sister. Can boys thirteen, eleven and nine really be uncles? As I made my way through eighth grade at SS. Joachim and Anne in 1945-46, it was my morning ritual to spend time playing with Mary Jo before heading off to school. She was pretty cute.
MY SISTER, MARIE
She was one of the brightest stars of our generation, World War II bride, mother of six, grandmother of fifteen, community activist, teacher, founding pillar of St. Martha's Church in Uniondale, L.I., and finally, a volunteer lobbyist for the Alzheimer's Association in Albany and Washington.
She was my big sister. For us, her five brothers and her sister, Joan, she was always, "Marie".
In my first memory of her she is crying, doubtless frustrated by the antics of her three rambunctious younger brothers, Warren, Frank and Ken. We were eleven, thirteen and fifteen years younger than Marie.
Though she was an accomplished scholar at Our Lady of Wisdom Academy in Ozone Park, our father's death in 1939 made it impossible for her to consider college. She went to work, helping to support her widowed mother and five younger siblings. In the evening, she took courses, eventually overburdening herself and suffering some health setbacks.
A young man she dated in 1940 had a car with a rumble seat. Before we knew what cool meant, it was cool to go to the World's Fair in Flushing Meadow in the rumble seat of a coupe. The Trylon and Perisphere were enduring symbols of our youth. The young man did not survive the war which began for the U.S. in December, 1941.
At some point we learned tha Marie had met Joe Koch while on a summer vacation in the Adirondacks. Then he was in the Army and there were endless letters back and forth. Suddenly, he was coming home on furlough and she was to be married. It was March 6, 1944. She was just twenty-two. He called her Mary.
Joe Koch had four sisters, Mary, Jane, Agnes and Peggy. They descended upon our simple 220th Street home in Queens Village and transformed it into a wedding palace. As there was rationing, and meat was scarce, we younger ones were sent out to canvass the neighborhood for red coupons which, with a bit of money, and some luck, would provision the wedding feast. With certainty there were also preserved vegetables and fruits from our previous summer's victorygarden.
My memory is of a bright, sunny day with a distinct chill in the air. My brother Robert, 17, handsome in his blue Xavier uniform with white gloves, standing in for James who was aboard the USS Biloxi in the Pacific, escorted the beautiful bride down the aisle of SS. Joachim and Anne Church. Later, in our backyard, I recall seeing our white haired pastor, Father Herchenroder. He had been a poker playing pal of my father, and knew many of the Nolans from the Brooklyn days. As the celebration dwindled down, a few of us with more serious
purpose adjourned across the street to engage the Gallic boys in a game of marbles. Which reminds me that one of the Gallics, Denny, had a serious crush on my sister and would come calling for her. He was about ten at the time of her wedding.
As Joe went back to his military duties, Marie continued to live with us. We younger ones learned that the great mystery of life was unfolding, and that there was to be a baby in the summer of 1945. For some reason we had a piano in our living room. Maybe James played a little, and Aunt Anna some, but there were no virtuosos in our family. Soon my big sister, awaiting her first born, began to play over, and over and over again, "Meet me in St. Louis, Looie, meet me at the Fair", from the popular 1944 movie of that name. Hers was a
small repertoire. We never heard "The Trolley Song", "The Boy Next Door", or "Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas" from the same film.
In May of 1945. Jim and Kay were married. At the reception in the Belmont Plaza hotel on Lexington Avenue, a family picture was taken. My very pregnant "big" sister hid behind her little brothers.
Mary Jo arrived on July 17, 1945. I believe by this time her Dad was in Europe, probably beginning his hunt for "Bambi" in Paris. And we had a little sister. Can boys thirteen, eleven and nine really be uncles? As I made my way through eighth grade at SS. Joachim and Anne in 1945-46, it was my morning ritual to spend time playing with Mary Jo before heading off to school. She was pretty cute.
When the war ended in August, 1945, Joe did not return as quickly as other soldiers. Most of his service had been stateside, and he had not accumulated as many points as others who had been in combat zones. When he did come home, he squeezed into our family abode at 220th Street, living there throughout 1946 and into 1947, commuting to his job wiith the Metropolitan Life Insurance Company in Manhattan via bus and subway.
Housing was scarce after the war. Early in 1947, Joe and Marie found a prewar Cape Cod style house in a place called Uniondale on the Nassau frontier. For us New York City sophisticates, anything east of Belmont Park was the habitat of potato farmers and clamdiggers. Both Joe and Marie began to exhibit some of those Long Island farming and gardening instincts, so it was great that they had purchased an oversized lot which brought them much happiness over the
years, and provided ample room for large family gatherings. The address was827 Henry Street.
We Nolans no longer owned a car so it was a two bus trip to Uniondale, first via Bee Line to Hempstead, and then by some Okielike conveyance along Front Street to Uniondale Avenue. I recall being pressed into service to scrape and paint the bathroom before they moved in. Looking out that bathroom window at night, you could see a few lights twinkling on far off Front Street. There seemed nothing in between. It was a pretty desolate place, but it was connected to civilization via telephone, IV6-5607. Over the years, I must have called
that number a thousand times.
By the early 1950s my three oldest siblings were contributing mightily to the postwar baby boom. Their progeny was color coded by family: blondes, brunettes and redheads. My wife Marie and I produced twins in the biggest baby boom year, 1957. With the marriages of Joan and Peter, Frank and Rosemarie, and Ken and Marie swelling the total, Mother soon had thirty-one grandchildren.
In the 1950s and 1960s our family celebrations were still focused on 220th Street. At Thanksgiving and Christmas, we would arrive in relays. It was on these occasions that James would put together family entertainments featuring the grandchildren. After Mother sold the old homestead in 1969 and moved to a Uniondale apartment, Joe and Marie began to host the family gatherings on the holidays and for special events during the summer. My sister had an amazing ability to bring together large numbers of people with little pretense or fuss,
creating a joyous, happy, relaxed time for all. These gatherings continued through the 1970s, 1980s and 1990s. Her organization of the 1998 one hundreth anniversary celebration of Mother's birthday topped all her parties and had to be held on the grounds of a local church to accomodate all the Nolans and related families. The one dotter, two dotter, three dotter terminology that we use to distinguish the generations was a product of that happy family event.
In the 1960s Marie graduated from Nassau Community College and continued on for her Hofstra degree. She told me that she was considering becoming an elementary teacher. With apology to all elementary teachers, I told my sister that she needed to be teaching at the secondary level. With her deep and diverse intellectual interests that was clearly the place for her. She went on to her master's degree at Hofstra University and began to teach social studies at Uniondale High School. Some years later, she invited me to speak to her colleagues at Uniondale on the subject of a school-within-a-school project they were organizing. I had done an evaluation of a similar community school at Herricks High School. It was hard to tell if she was more proud of me or I of her. It was amusing to see two of my Regis teachers, her Uniondale colleagues, in the group.
Mother was always amazed at having produced children who were so widely distributed across the political spectrum in their views. Marie, Frank and I were the liberal caucus, sometimes referred to as "Commonweal Catholics". I still read Commonweal, but now I stand alone, Have mercy, Ken.
In the late 1970s, the time came when Mother could no longer function on her own. Marie and Joe took her into their home. While carrying on an amazing variety of social, community and church related activities, Marie was able to provide our Mother with the best possible quality of life until her death in January, 1985. Perhaps it was her involvement in Mother's care that made her slow to recognize the changes that were taking place in her husband, Joe. He was
exhibiting symptoms later diagnosed as Alzheimer's disease, and so she entered upon another period of devoted care for a loved one, this time her life's partner.
From their earliest days in Uniondale, Marie and Joe had been part of the Catholic community which founded St. Martha's parish. Relations were not always smooth. There came a time when she was part of a group locking horns with the then pastor who wanted to knock down the old church and build something grander. Her group was successful. My sister was deeply involved in all aspects of her parish, serving as a lector and as a member of the parish council among
other activities. At various times of her life she was a daily communicant, walking the five or six blocks to the church. On the half-dozen or more occasions when my wife and I attended Mass with her there, she seemed to be greeted by half the congregation. As the community changed, St. Martha's served a more diverse population. Both in her church and community activities my sister was dedicated to maintaining Uniondale as a balanced, integrated community.
After Joe's death in 1987, Marie became a leader in the fight against Alzheimer's disease, serving as a member of the board of the Long Island Alzheimer's Association, conducting support groups, gathering her clan to participate in the annual march, and lobbying for funds each year in both Albany and Washington. Even after we moved from West Islip to Otisco Lake in 1994, she would summon us each fall to participate in the Alzheimer's march. My daughter Eileen remembers that about the time the cherry blossoms were blooming around the Tidal
Basin in Washington, her Aunt Marie would sweep into town to lobby for Congressional support to fund Alzheimer's research, bunk with her for one night, and share a meal at some ethnic restaurant with Eileen and my son Chris. Marie sensitized me to the Alzheimer's problem. Last summer I became a participant in a national study to determine the possible effectiveness of anti-inflammatory drugs in inpeding the progress of Alzheimer's disease.
About two years ago we took Marie to visit James at his home in Ridge. They sat opposite each other, holding hands. I do not recall any verbal communication between them, but who can know what is passing through the minds of a brother and sister who, after eighty years of shared family life, are meeting for the last time.
As her health declined Marie benefitted from the wonderful care given her by her family caregivers. Michael, Sherry and Willa live about forty minutes east of us so while my sister was with them we were able to visit her and see the loving care which they provided. Willa, about five at the time, was in a role reversal with her grandmother, watching over her and cautioning her when necessary.
My sister would often joke about a paper she had written at Hofstra, "I Lived with Twelve Men". She meant her five brothers, her five sons, her father and her husband. With Mary Jo's recent marriage, a thirteenth man came into my sister's life, Andy Graves. As Marie became less mobile, and less and less able to communicate, Andy and Mary Jo devoted all their energies to her care. All of us in her widely extended family are deeply grateful to them for their extraordinary efforts in caring for the person we all loved so much.
When we saw Marie two weeks ago at Jim's wake, we were elated at her response to Eileen's baby. Her eyes sparkled, and she seemed thrilled to see little Andrew, making the kind of cooing sounds adults use to communicate with infants. It gave us hope that she would be with us a while more, but it was not to be.
To Mary Jo and Richard, Stephen and Michael, Peter and Mark, let me say, in my brother Bob's words, your mother was an extraordinary woman. She was a teacher and model for us all, the exemplar of a modern, educated, Christian woman who was a great mother and grandmother, an accomplished professional educator, and a spirited activist and leader in the affairs of her church and community.
And to you, dear sister, your lively voice is quieted, and your exciting life's journey has come to an end. Leave it to you to pick Good Friday for a dramatic exit. You will live on in the hearts and minds of all of us who have loved you so dearly. Hopefully, you will light the way for us to follow in your heavenly path when we are called.
Love to all our family,
Warren
Housing was scarce after the war. Early in 1947, Joe and Marie found a prewar Cape Cod style house in a place called Uniondale on the Nassau frontier. For us New York City sophisticates, anything east of Belmont Park was the habitat of potato farmers and clamdiggers. Both Joe and Marie began to exhibit some of those Long Island farming and gardening instincts, so it was great that they had purchased an oversized lot which brought them much happiness over the
years, and provided ample room for large family gatherings. The address was827 Henry Street.
We Nolans no longer owned a car so it was a two bus trip to Uniondale, first via Bee Line to Hempstead, and then by some Okielike conveyance along Front Street to Uniondale Avenue. I recall being pressed into service to scrape and paint the bathroom before they moved in. Looking out that bathroom window at night, you could see a few lights twinkling on far off Front Street. There seemed nothing in between. It was a pretty desolate place, but it was connected to civilization via telephone, IV6-5607. Over the years, I must have called
that number a thousand times.
By the early 1950s my three oldest siblings were contributing mightily to the postwar baby boom. Their progeny was color coded by family: blondes, brunettes and redheads. My wife Marie and I produced twins in the biggest baby boom year, 1957. With the marriages of Joan and Peter, Frank and Rosemarie, and Ken and Marie swelling the total, Mother soon had thirty-one grandchildren.
In the 1950s and 1960s our family celebrations were still focused on 220th Street. At Thanksgiving and Christmas, we would arrive in relays. It was on these occasions that James would put together family entertainments featuring the grandchildren. After Mother sold the old homestead in 1969 and moved to a Uniondale apartment, Joe and Marie began to host the family gatherings on the holidays and for special events during the summer. My sister had an amazing ability to bring together large numbers of people with little pretense or fuss,
creating a joyous, happy, relaxed time for all. These gatherings continued through the 1970s, 1980s and 1990s. Her organization of the 1998 one hundreth anniversary celebration of Mother's birthday topped all her parties and had to be held on the grounds of a local church to accomodate all the Nolans and related families. The one dotter, two dotter, three dotter terminology that we use to distinguish the generations was a product of that happy family event.
In the 1960s Marie graduated from Nassau Community College and continued on for her Hofstra degree. She told me that she was considering becoming an elementary teacher. With apology to all elementary teachers, I told my sister that she needed to be teaching at the secondary level. With her deep and diverse intellectual interests that was clearly the place for her. She went on to her master's degree at Hofstra University and began to teach social studies at Uniondale High School. Some years later, she invited me to speak to her colleagues at Uniondale on the subject of a school-within-a-school project they were organizing. I had done an evaluation of a similar community school at Herricks High School. It was hard to tell if she was more proud of me or I of her. It was amusing to see two of my Regis teachers, her Uniondale colleagues, in the group.
Mother was always amazed at having produced children who were so widely distributed across the political spectrum in their views. Marie, Frank and I were the liberal caucus, sometimes referred to as "Commonweal Catholics". I still read Commonweal, but now I stand alone, Have mercy, Ken.
In the late 1970s, the time came when Mother could no longer function on her own. Marie and Joe took her into their home. While carrying on an amazing variety of social, community and church related activities, Marie was able to provide our Mother with the best possible quality of life until her death in January, 1985. Perhaps it was her involvement in Mother's care that made her slow to recognize the changes that were taking place in her husband, Joe. He was
exhibiting symptoms later diagnosed as Alzheimer's disease, and so she entered upon another period of devoted care for a loved one, this time her life's partner.
From their earliest days in Uniondale, Marie and Joe had been part of the Catholic community which founded St. Martha's parish. Relations were not always smooth. There came a time when she was part of a group locking horns with the then pastor who wanted to knock down the old church and build something grander. Her group was successful. My sister was deeply involved in all aspects of her parish, serving as a lector and as a member of the parish council among
other activities. At various times of her life she was a daily communicant, walking the five or six blocks to the church. On the half-dozen or more occasions when my wife and I attended Mass with her there, she seemed to be greeted by half the congregation. As the community changed, St. Martha's served a more diverse population. Both in her church and community activities my sister was dedicated to maintaining Uniondale as a balanced, integrated community.
After Joe's death in 1987, Marie became a leader in the fight against Alzheimer's disease, serving as a member of the board of the Long Island Alzheimer's Association, conducting support groups, gathering her clan to participate in the annual march, and lobbying for funds each year in both Albany and Washington. Even after we moved from West Islip to Otisco Lake in 1994, she would summon us each fall to participate in the Alzheimer's march. My daughter Eileen remembers that about the time the cherry blossoms were blooming around the Tidal
Basin in Washington, her Aunt Marie would sweep into town to lobby for Congressional support to fund Alzheimer's research, bunk with her for one night, and share a meal at some ethnic restaurant with Eileen and my son Chris. Marie sensitized me to the Alzheimer's problem. Last summer I became a participant in a national study to determine the possible effectiveness of anti-inflammatory drugs in inpeding the progress of Alzheimer's disease.
About two years ago we took Marie to visit James at his home in Ridge. They sat opposite each other, holding hands. I do not recall any verbal communication between them, but who can know what is passing through the minds of a brother and sister who, after eighty years of shared family life, are meeting for the last time.
As her health declined Marie benefitted from the wonderful care given her by her family caregivers. Michael, Sherry and Willa live about forty minutes east of us so while my sister was with them we were able to visit her and see the loving care which they provided. Willa, about five at the time, was in a role reversal with her grandmother, watching over her and cautioning her when necessary.
My sister would often joke about a paper she had written at Hofstra, "I Lived with Twelve Men". She meant her five brothers, her five sons, her father and her husband. With Mary Jo's recent marriage, a thirteenth man came into my sister's life, Andy Graves. As Marie became less mobile, and less and less able to communicate, Andy and Mary Jo devoted all their energies to her care. All of us in her widely extended family are deeply grateful to them for their extraordinary efforts in caring for the person we all loved so much.
When we saw Marie two weeks ago at Jim's wake, we were elated at her response to Eileen's baby. Her eyes sparkled, and she seemed thrilled to see little Andrew, making the kind of cooing sounds adults use to communicate with infants. It gave us hope that she would be with us a while more, but it was not to be.
To Mary Jo and Richard, Stephen and Michael, Peter and Mark, let me say, in my brother Bob's words, your mother was an extraordinary woman. She was a teacher and model for us all, the exemplar of a modern, educated, Christian woman who was a great mother and grandmother, an accomplished professional educator, and a spirited activist and leader in the affairs of her church and community.
And to you, dear sister, your lively voice is quieted, and your exciting life's journey has come to an end. Leave it to you to pick Good Friday for a dramatic exit. You will live on in the hearts and minds of all of us who have loved you so dearly. Hopefully, you will light the way for us to follow in your heavenly path when we are called.
Love to all our family,
Warren
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