Memories of 105-11 220th Street

This was originally posted to the Nolan email list in 2006.

Mary Jo Graves 
I think I could recreate the first floor of 105-11 220th Street, but obviously the one dotters' memories would be far more accurate. Several times in my mom's last years we drove her by the old house. I am sorry we didn't think to take pictures. What do my cousins remember?

Kathye Torrisi 
I remember the front porch and them the living room with the stairs to your
left as you came in. We used to perform there when Uncle Jim would encourage us to sing and dance. There was always turkey soup in the kitchen when we came early on Thanksgiving. I also remember that little area off the dining room that had a bed and I think a curtain instead of a door.

Mary Jo Graves 
I remember exactly the same things.  I think I slept in the little bed off the dining room when I came to visit.  I vividly remember listening to the chime of the grandfather clock on the mantel in the living room. In my house, we have a piano against the stairs which looks remarkably like Grandma's piano.  At one point, I think Grandma had a bathroom installed off the kitchen.  As the family got bigger, we ate in the back porch. I remember the wicker furniture on the front porch; I think Aunt Joan inherited it and might have used it at Whitney Lake.

Richard Koch 
There was a back porch which I remember well thanks to Uncle Jim. It was there when I was a young teenager he told me I was old enough to smoke. I thought that was cool. He then proceeded to light up a large cigar which after several puffs filling my lungs with the smoke I became quite sick for what seemed like forever. I will say I was never even tempted to smoke again. I also remember the kitchen which had a door to the back porch was at the back of the house on the left with the sink located under a window on the outside wall. I also recall a bathroom upstairs that had a window as I spent a signifiicant amount of time  in it as I had to clean it up after my smoke with the window open on a cool Thankgiving day.

Mary Jo Graves: 
I remember the huge tub with feet in the upstairs bathroom.  I vaguely remember locking myself in by accident as a young child. I remember being afraid of the attic crawl space in the bedroom opposite the bathroom. On the same side of the corridor as the bathroom was the entrance to the living room/kitchen apartment where newly married one-dotters took turns using until they could afford their own house. I only recall one other big bedroom at the end of the hallway.
I am curious if the younger cousins remember the house at all.

Liz Nolan 
I certainly do. Other than the memories that have been mentioned (cigars (not that I smoked) and dinners on the back porch)...I remember watching  my Dad and Uncles change the storm windows. I also remember eating my first soft boiled egg one summer morning on the back porch. Was there a trellis with roses or is that my other Grandmother's house?!?

What do you remember?

Grandmas, Kin-Keeping, and the Birthday Book

One of my most cherished possessions is my Grandma Nolan's  small 1980 datebook. It lists the birthdays of all her children, their spouses, her grandchildren, their spouses, and her great-grandchildren. All of us could absolutely count on a card from Grandma on our birthdays, anniversaries, and graduations. She always enclosed a dollar for her grandchildren;  she was on a strict budget and we cherished her generosity. If you hadn't received a card from Grandma Nolan, you must have gotten confused about your birthday She had 31 grandchildren and 23 great-grandchilden when she died at age 86 in 1985.

Mary Catherine  King was born in 1898 and left school after eighth grade. One of her first jobs was to mount women's combs on cards. She married my grandfather, James Nolan, a widowed lawyer with a toddler son, at age 22. She had seven children, four sons and three daughters; she raised her stepson as her own. Tragically one daughter died before she was two. Her husband died when she was 40; her children ranged from 17 to 2. He had been sick for 7 years; his chronic illness made it impossible for him to secure life insurance. After his death, she discovered his filing cabinet was full of unpaid bills from poor clients. Grandma had lost her parents the year before. Abruptly, they were very poor She collected rent from three small apartments in Brooklyn, but the apartments were the source of endless headaches. She worked in a laundromat. The older children helped support the family. My mom had to attend secretarial school rather than college.

Grandma was a very loving, giving, ingenious, frugal single mother. All her children turned out well--two lawyers, two teachers, a nurse, a social worker, a computer programmer. She was unavailingly there to help out when babies were born, when someone was sick, when someone was in crisis. A very religious woman, she was empowered by her deep faith. A lifelong Democrat, she voted in the first election open to women. She was always fascinated by world affairs and extremely knowledgeable about them. I could talk to her about anything.

In Becoming Grandmothers, Sheila Kitzinger describes the grandmother's role as the "kin-keeper." I have been understudying that role since my family lived with my grandma during the first two years of my life. I am the oldest girl cousin on both sides of the family.Grandmothers do emotional work. They sustain and nourish the family's kinship, keeping everyone connected with one another. This is a greater challenge now when families are far-flung and both parents are working grueling schedules. There is very little time left over for extended families.

I take absolutely seriously my commitment to follow my grandmother and mother, two strong, loving, generous matriarchs. Grandma knows the family's addresses, phone numbers, birthdays, Facebook accounts, Twitter logins.. Grandma informs the family if anyone is sick or in trouble, is engaged, lost a job, is pregnant. In the event of a family death, she alwasys knows the funerael arrangements. Grandma opens her house for family parties and reunions, no matter the state of her housekeeping or budget. Grandma can always identify the people in those old pictures and knows where the family skeletons are buried.

I have 5 brothers, 5 sister-in-laws, 11 nieces and nephews,7 of whom are married. I have 6 grandnieces and 4 grandnephews. Every year I revise the extended family directory, prying the information out of everyone. We established a family google group,  sharing news and pictures, so we all know what is happening in our lives, even if we don't see each other often enough. I do more of the communicating than anyone else, but I consider that my responsibility.  I just started secret family Facebook groups. Only family members can see who is in the group, post, and read posts.

I have seen both my mother's and father's formerly close knit family disperse once the family matriarch dies. My extended family is scattered all over the East Coast, from Maine to North Carolina, so it is a challenge to keep us close. Fortunately, we have had six family weddings since my mom's death 4 years ago, so they have been family reunions as well. In 4 years, my parents have had 12 great grandchildren.

When I was taking care of mother 24/7 during the last three years of her life, I scanned thousands of old family photos and slides. My husband, a computer programmer, wrote software for many family picture sites. His software enabled me to caption the photos and arrange them in chronological order. Pictures that family members had never seen were freed from boxes and closets and available to everyone anytime.capacity. At my mother's wake, we were able to show a slideshow of her life, with pictures from 1921 to 2004. 

As I learned to grandmother, my Grandma Nolan is my inspiration and role model. Looking through her date book always brings back new memories of love, humor, kindness, and understanding.

Dear Warren, Love Mom

 January 15, 2000

Dear Family,

Today is the 15th anniversary of Mother's passing on January 15th, 1985.  At
her marriage in July 1920, she was twenty-two.  When Daddy died on January 23rd, 1939, they had been married fewer than nineteen years.  She was to live on for nearly forty-seven more years as a widow.

While I was a graduate student at Notre Dame in the mid -1950s,Mother wrote to me frequently. Following are brief excerpts from some of her letters in the fall of 1955.

At the time, Joan, Frank and Ken were still at home.  Joan was a nurse; 
Frank and Ken were in college.  I had resumed seriously courting Marie
McNichol after a  nearly five year gap.  We begin with the first World Series
victory of our beloved Brooklyn Dodgers over the hated New York Yankees!  [I
make no corrections in the text of the letters. Quotation marks are omitted.]

Dear Warren

                                                                        Tues. Oct 4, 1955

.With the Dodgers now the hero's as of today hope things will settle down,
it sure has been tense, wondering if Mary Joe has any finger nails left.  Ken
had off today ...and thought the last few minutes of the game he would have a fit, the final blow he run to the door just to tell anyone that happened to
pass.  Joan sat in the chair with a long face on she claims to favor the
Yanks.

Anna phoned today  "quote I guess Warren isn't going to have time to write to me since he has to be writing to Marie" ... If you get a few minutes try and
drop a few lines to Aunt Anna.   By now and be good

                                                                        Sat Morning  (Oct. 8, 1955)

Received your "Personal" for Mother only this A.M. ....Dont be wishing your
life away, at times absences are good   it makes one think a little deeper, 
from the gist of your letter the young lady must be offering you much
encouragement 

.Outside of plenty of orange juice & "rest"  there isnt much besides
aspirin,  sometimes those four way cold pills are good   Why dont you get a
rain hat instead of putting it off.  enclosing a check for one hat, a good
sunday dinner and extra orange juice.  "No books of any kind on my check." 
Be good

.Last Thurs. Joe taking the car into Hempstead was hit broadside by a
college student,  there car had to be towed to the garage, the boy had
insurance  ....its a blessing Joe wasn't hurt.                               
                                         

                                                                         

                    Tues Morning  (Oct. 11, 1955)

....Do hope by now you have recovered from your cold,  Frank also has a bad
one, justs coughs all night.  Someday that boy will learn to take care of
himself  the hard way of cause....Guess my daughter [Joan]  will be on her
way to California shortly...Can't say I'm happy about her going but then she is old enough to know   I keep thinking about the lonely roads they will have to travel.....Just had a nice surprise  Aunt Anna walked in, she was glad to get your letter

                                                                          Sat afternoon  (Oct. 15, 1955)

...Frank & Ken are going up to the Mt.V. to a dance tonight,  they are riding
up with Barb. and Jack.... The bad part is that {Marie & Joe]  are lost for
the need of the car,  several times Joan has rode out there early and Marie
has to drive her back to the hospital and then pick her up again.  Joan then
rides Marie back to Uniondale so its a merry go round.....Joan just came in
from work   I want her to take me over to the school to register [to vote] 
this is the last day.....Well I hope you have a nice time at dinner with
Father  Hughes   I bet you feel real important. Does Marie [McNichol] write
regularly to you?  Got to go now

                                                                     Sunday Afternoon  (Oct. 23, 1955)
Know you will be looking for a letter,  so decided to write before reading
the papers.Marie & Joe are still without a car....they are rather discouraged,  its hard for her to get around without it.  Robert is making a retreat this week, he to is a bit upset about his house  [Lynbrook},  doesnt seem to be selling as fast as he expected.  Haven't heard from James in awhile  last Ken heard he {James}  intended to go on a hunting trip for a week.....I am sending a box with a few necessary items, according to the last remarks in your letter you need them...take care of yourself  will write again in a few days

                                                                          Sat Morn. (Nov. 5, 1955)

....This past week has been a really depressing one.....James left at 4:00
this A.M. for a hunting trip in the Maine woods, he phoned to say goodbys
last night,  well three goodbys in one week is just too much.  {Me back to
ND;  Joan starting her cross-country trip].....Before I forget to remind you
again about Annas birthday on Nov 13.  I know how she looks forward to
hearing from you....I'm sure Kay isnt too happy about James going away, but
she says perhaps he"ll get it out of his system...it is rather strange for me
not to be having Sunday dinner for the family.

                                                                          

                        Monday Morning (Nov. 7, 1955)

While the washing machine is romping along thought it a good time to dash off a few lines.  Received your first letter...also one from Joan,  needless to
say she has [not] passed by your way {ND} due to the weather conditions.  As of last night they were in Tulsa  Oklahoma....Had a nice day with Robert &
Shirley yesterday,  Frank went with me,   we took a ride to see his [Bob's]
friend Gabe's new home in Syosset L.I.
What a place  really beautiful

                                                                          
Wed Morn  (Nov. 9, 1955)
....Well the most important news, the girls had an accident in Amarillo
Texas.  Joan phoned last night to tell me, it happened Monday some time, she
was driving and in passing a truck, skid on the wet snow and the car
overturned.  She assures me and will say she sounded alright....Of cause
being upset I missed some of the details....Needless to say this just aboutfloored me, hardly slept  last night at all....My hand is really shaking

                                                                          
                            Sat Morn  (Nov. 12, 1957)
Robert and myself just returned from the air port after meeting Joan....Joan
took a plane last night  All she wanted to do was come home and was might
happy to see Robert and me at 6:45 this A.M....Thank God she is home looking a bit worn   never wanting to see Texas again.  I am hapy to see her and hope to relax a bit...

                                                                          
                            Sat Morn  (Nov. 19, 1957)
.....Floating a loan [for an engagement ring],  Robert doesn't think it a
good idea to start off that way... of cause thats just an echo of my
thoughts.  I told you I would help but dont know just how much you have in
mind to loan.  Most girls like a rather decent size ring or else they are
rather ashamed to show it.  This is a problem you will have to think out
sanely without letting your heart run away with your head.

Expect the Nolans "Lynbrook" for Thanksgiving dinner  also Anna & Chester,
Sophye.  Marie {Koch] will be in later in the day.  Rob finally settled their
car accident for $165.  it cost them $185

                                                                         
                            Sat. 2:00  (Nov. 26, 1955)
....Have enough turkey for today but ready for a new taste tomorrow.  Can't
say my bird was too tender,  had it in the oven for five hours but had a hard
time cutting the legs etc.  By this time everyone was starved, the vegetables
were looking limp, so think at Christmas I will get my bird in my own butcher
shop.  It was nice talking to you {on the phone] altho with the noise at this
end its a little hard to hear.  [Having expended my resources on a trip home
in early November to become "secretly" engaged, I could not afford to come
home for Thanksgiving.]  ...Robert has taken a binder on his house...Believe
the people have a base until March so that will give them some time to look
around....will write more later  have been busy this week, take care of
yourself.....

                                                                          
                            Monday  ( Dec. 12, 1955)
Guess this will be the last letter before your trip home.... It {foot
problems] sure has me down, with so much to do, haven't been able to get any shopping or the million and one things before the holidays.  I am writing
some Christmas cards that will be a job done....Robert & Shirley were out
house hunting and from reports last night real disgusted....All this is
making it more convincing for Marie & Joe to enlarge their house as they had
it up to their necks looking. 

Well dear nothing else to say - O we took care of sending the flowers  [to
Marie McNichol for her birthday] and I had Joan mail a card from us all.  As
ever
                                                                            

                                                                   Love, Mother

------------------------------------------------------------------------------
--------------------------------------------.
How did it all turn out?  Marie McNichol and I became formally engaged for
Christmas, 1955.  We were married on Nov. 24, 1956.  I spent half of 1957 in the Army.  We gave Aunt Anna a nice present on her 67th birthday,  November 13, 1957 - our twin daughters.... Joan returned to nursing at Mercy Hospital. She married Peter Reehil in October, 1957; she never returned to Texas....Bob and Shirley bought a new house in Merrick - just in time, and later moved on to Huntington....James went hunting and was never heard from again - just kidding....Marie and Joe did add on to their house and now its a nice B & B for our LI visits....Frank graduated from St. Peter's in June, 1956 and went on to ND for graduate work in math - where he met a girl named Rosemarie....Ken did a brief sojourn in the Paulists, graduated from St. Francis College, got his MSW at Fordham and disappeared into the U.S. Army, finally making his way, via Vietnam, to Texas.  Along the way, he added  another beautiful Marie to our family.

And Mother. Mother soldiered on for nearly thirty years.  She had chronic
physical complaints and continued to worry a lot about us.  Like the loaves
and fishes, her love grew to embrace her many grandchildren and
great-grandchildren.  She missed the big party in 1998 in honor of her 100th
birthday, but we all had the feeling that she was there in spirit, and that
she continues to watch over us - and worry about us.
                                                                             
         Love to all,
                                                                             
          Warren